Back on the saddle again....

We went to Tired Hands Brewing yesterday. It's an amazing gastropub. Meal choices are fairly small, but Tired Hands makes its own thick, artisan bread. You can order the bread & pickles platter, but even if you order something else, bread is a staple with every menu choice. We went in a group of four, but let's face it, mainly John and I housed most of the food. I had three 8 oz beers (not too bad), but probably had a half-loaf of bread. It was so amazing though.

Today, I went to the gym and did some intervals of running and walking on the treadmill. At the end of 45 minutes, I had gone 3.25 miles. My face was beet red and the amount of sweat I had could double as hair gel with how it was slicking back my hair.

After my workout, I weighed myself: 180.2 . Agh.

Last Saturday night, we had an end of summer party. The days leading up to the party were filled with minimum 5 mile step days and careful eating of healthy foods. During the course of the party, I ate three cheeseburgers, had 6 or so beers, and had tons of chips. Since the party, i have been "meh" with eating well and exercising.

I SUCK at "falling down" and then immediately getting back up.

With work starting again tomorrow, at least I will be back on a schedule with getting up, eating well, being on my feet, and so on.

Eating well, exercising, and maintaining a healthy weight should not be THIS difficult.

Agh, ugh, and all other mutterings of annoyance

The beginning of summer brings with it people's aspirations to "slim down" for "beach season." I don't have an exact statistic or percentage, but my guess is that a majority of people either stay the same weight or lose a small amount of weight in the summer.

Since I do not work in the summer and also enjoy "sedentary" activities (i.e. reading, doing karaoke, drinking beer, going to garage sales), I tend to pack on some extra pounds during the summer. The other day I had, yet again, a realization: I am fat.

I stepped on the scale at the gym and the number read 180.4. What the hell?! I have not been that weight since high school. I feel like I am somehow carrying the 180 a bit better this time 'round, but still am completely aggravated with myself.

This utter aggravation has arrived at an opportune time. Just last week, we entered 2009 and got smart phones. Immediately, I downloaded the Fitbit, Couch to 5k, and My Fitness Pal apps to my phone. I've been making a strong effort to be at my daily calorie goal or, on some rare days, slightly under the goal. My Fitness Pal is brutally honest. After each day, it tells a message such as, "If you ate this way for 5 weeks, you would be 175 pounds."

This will be a slow process; I am basically back to where I was when I started Weight Watchers in January. Some might tell me to join WW again, but screw that. I can't spend any more time hearing people talk about food.

Today, I have been a lazy fuck and have walked a mere 1044 steps. Off to the park....

I can't say "eff it"

Last Wednesday was the beginning of the downward spiral. I started calculating all of the hours that, over the past months, have been devoted to tracking meals or conversing about food. Weight Watchers meetings have been ridiculous. Last week's topic was "dining versus eating." We spent 35+ minutes discussing how to make our eating spaces "elegant" in order to "savor" food. It's a great idea and all, but I do not need to pay 42 bucks a month to hear about using "nice" plates, cloth napkins, and/or candlelight. I'm not a guy trying to land a chick.

Last week began the mindset of Fuck it. I've basically been stuck at the same weight for ages and even when I eat significantly better, I do not see drastic changes. Maybe I should just accept where I am and leave things be.

That mindset worked for approximately four days. I enjoyed "date night" with my friend, Jen: 40 bucks for an appetizer (cheese quesadillas), two entrees (I had a burger and subpar coleslaw), and four beers (two each---even craft beers!). Thursday is unmemorable in my mind, which means I probably ate well but gorged on ridiculous amounts of fruits and/or veggies and hummus during the evening hours. On Friday, I ate healthy all day, including a healthy dinner of salmon, lettuce, and veggies, but then decided to have dinner #2 at Cloverleaf: turkey club, fries, and a beer. Saturday's downward trend went batshit crazy. I had two cheeseburgers, tons of pizza rolls, quite a bit of PretzelCrisps, and three beers...and that was just at night.

Then something happened.

On Sunday, I felt the need to eat better again. I also went to the gym and went for a leisurely stroll on the treadmill.

Today, I ate well all day. I also managed to down 60 ounces of water during the workday. During the last period of the day, another class meets in my classroom. I changed from my work clothing into my gym clothing which, I self-deprecatingly joke, "Doubles as sleep wear if I don't muster the motivation to make it to the gym." One of the students in the room said, "Eh, you don't have to work out. You look fine the way you are."

Then something hit me. Honestly, even if I stay the same weight, it does not truly matter. If I feel good---energetic and healthy---then that's what matters.

I'm kind of on my own path. I'll still go to Weight Watchers (probably for another month), but I stopped with tracking on their site. Instead, I am tracking via livestrong.com. I want to pay closer attention to macronutrients and my true daily nutritional breakdown. I find it disturbing how WW endorses all these artificial crap foods. 

Weight Loss Fucktard

I'm so aggravated. During the past month or so (haven't posted in awhile), I've done everything right that I can. I'm at my daily points total and am even sometimes under by 2 or so points. I don't deprive myself because I make sure to have the 49 "bonus points." I track everything. I've also recently purchased a fitbit in order to track my daily activity levels. I also started couch to 5k in order to have some kind of fitness regimen.

Two weeks ago, I stood on the scale at Weight Watchers and did the dance of joy as my weight was said aloud: 168.8. I have not had 6 as my middle weight number in at least two years.

Fast forward to this week's weigh in. I did not exercise as much this past week, but my eating was definitely in-check. I stepped on the scale and it read 171.1.

I am so frustrated. I feel like I am doing everything right and am at a standstill. Also, I wonder how much higher my weight would be if I just gave in and mindlessly ate junk....

which is what I did last night. A friend had a party and I figured, "Fuck. If I am going to eat well and exercise AND still gain weight, then I might as well eat junk tonight." I had chips, doritos, cheese/pepperoni/dough concoctions, cupcakes, and beer.

We'll see how this week goes, but I am reading the point where I end my Weight Watchers subscription and just give into 170.

Skipped

Tonight, for the first time since joining WW, I skipped a meeting. After my three pound gain last week, I could not bear the thought of stepping on the scale this evening. I'm waiting until Friday to go to the meeting and weigh in. I'm hoping that the two extra days will help "even out" my weight. I don't expect to easily lose the three pounds gained from last week (especially because of the bridal shower and St Patty's gluttony from last weekend), but I just need to see that number do down by a bit.

My downfall is when I come home from work. I make a beastly dash for the kitchen and eat large amounts of food. Today, I was under my points, but when I came home from work, I had a large amount of food: salmon, vegetables, rice, sausage link, two point bar, pear, banana, and grapefruit. It's a large amount of food, but most of it is fairly "healthy."

I'm hoping for some better results on Friday. We'll see.

Downfall

Last week was a moment of disappointment. Whether it was water weight or actual, authentic, reality-laden weight gain, I was feeling down last Wednesday.

Instead of amping up my workouts and being meticulous with my food intake, the past few days have been filled with gluttony. On Saturday, I went to a bridal shower and ate moderately...until dessert began. I had a bowl filled with frozen yogurt, covered with a modest amount of mini Reeses cups as a topping. As the toppings began to disappear, I would walk back to the toppings bar and refill my yogurt bowl with more toppings. I could not decide between types of cookies to eat--so I ate quite a few. Chocolate and coconut covered strawberries were another dessert I could not resist.

After the shower, I attended a friend's St. Patty's Day party. I consumed four beers, one mixed drink, and multiple small slices of cake (which basically equals two or three large slices).

On Sunday, I had a small breakfast, but later in the day had half a sub, two beers, and diner food at 1am.

I have no desire to step on a scale because I feel like I have put my body through utter destruction.

I wish things were easier. I wish that instead of thinking about intricately frosted cupcakes, I could daydream about going for a run or doing reps with kettle bells. That's not me though. I'm visiting my sister in Florida this weekend. When I initially bought the plane ticket in January, my goal was to be down to 160 pounds. I thought to myself, Maybe I'll have to buy smaller sized clothing for the trip. No such situation currently exists.

Until Florida though, I'd like to work out each day. Five days in a row. Eek. 

Feeling fat as fuck

Weight: 173.4 pounds

I've heard the phrase "fat as fuck," but have no comprehension of its origins. I looked it up on urbandictionary.com and it was not listed as an entry of its own. What an odd phrase and weird juxtaposition of words.

After two weeks of consistent weight loss (2.4 pounds each week), I somehow gained three pounds this week. After I got off the scale, Judy, the woman at the desk, asked, "What happened?" I explained about how the night before weigh-in and how I definitely had indulged (3 beers, BLT, and a scant amount of fries). She replied, "Oh, water weight."

I hate making excuses for weight gains, but I decided to do a small amount of Internet research on water weight. A few articles did mention how alcohol can affect water retention.

I feel like I've gone off track, and not even by that much. My body frustrates me. I definitely indulged this week, but it was not as if I was consuming fried Twinkies or massive amounts of fast food. I don't understand my current state of biology.

Since weigh-in, I've been tracking, but I've gone over my daily points for two consecutive days. I'm getting irritated. I went to the gym yesterday and just walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then packed up my stuff, and left.

I hope next week goes better for me. I know all of this is in "my control," and blah blah blah. I wish it wasn't so difficult. It's just food.