Monday, May 20, 2013

I can't say "eff it"

Last Wednesday was the beginning of the downward spiral. I started calculating all of the hours that, over the past months, have been devoted to tracking meals or conversing about food. Weight Watchers meetings have been ridiculous. Last week's topic was "dining versus eating." We spent 35+ minutes discussing how to make our eating spaces "elegant" in order to "savor" food. It's a great idea and all, but I do not need to pay 42 bucks a month to hear about using "nice" plates, cloth napkins, and/or candlelight. I'm not a guy trying to land a chick.

Last week began the mindset of Fuck it. I've basically been stuck at the same weight for ages and even when I eat significantly better, I do not see drastic changes. Maybe I should just accept where I am and leave things be.

That mindset worked for approximately four days. I enjoyed "date night" with my friend, Jen: 40 bucks for an appetizer (cheese quesadillas), two entrees (I had a burger and subpar coleslaw), and four beers (two each---even craft beers!). Thursday is unmemorable in my mind, which means I probably ate well but gorged on ridiculous amounts of fruits and/or veggies and hummus during the evening hours. On Friday, I ate healthy all day, including a healthy dinner of salmon, lettuce, and veggies, but then decided to have dinner #2 at Cloverleaf: turkey club, fries, and a beer. Saturday's downward trend went batshit crazy. I had two cheeseburgers, tons of pizza rolls, quite a bit of PretzelCrisps, and three beers...and that was just at night.

Then something happened.

On Sunday, I felt the need to eat better again. I also went to the gym and went for a leisurely stroll on the treadmill.

Today, I ate well all day. I also managed to down 60 ounces of water during the workday. During the last period of the day, another class meets in my classroom. I changed from my work clothing into my gym clothing which, I self-deprecatingly joke, "Doubles as sleep wear if I don't muster the motivation to make it to the gym." One of the students in the room said, "Eh, you don't have to work out. You look fine the way you are."

Then something hit me. Honestly, even if I stay the same weight, it does not truly matter. If I feel good---energetic and healthy---then that's what matters.

I'm kind of on my own path. I'll still go to Weight Watchers (probably for another month), but I stopped with tracking on their site. Instead, I am tracking via livestrong.com. I want to pay closer attention to macronutrients and my true daily nutritional breakdown. I find it disturbing how WW endorses all these artificial crap foods. 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Weight Loss Fucktard

I'm so aggravated. During the past month or so (haven't posted in awhile), I've done everything right that I can. I'm at my daily points total and am even sometimes under by 2 or so points. I don't deprive myself because I make sure to have the 49 "bonus points." I track everything. I've also recently purchased a fitbit in order to track my daily activity levels. I also started couch to 5k in order to have some kind of fitness regimen.

Two weeks ago, I stood on the scale at Weight Watchers and did the dance of joy as my weight was said aloud: 168.8. I have not had 6 as my middle weight number in at least two years.

Fast forward to this week's weigh in. I did not exercise as much this past week, but my eating was definitely in-check. I stepped on the scale and it read 171.1.

I am so frustrated. I feel like I am doing everything right and am at a standstill. Also, I wonder how much higher my weight would be if I just gave in and mindlessly ate junk....

which is what I did last night. A friend had a party and I figured, "Fuck. If I am going to eat well and exercise AND still gain weight, then I might as well eat junk tonight." I had chips, doritos, cheese/pepperoni/dough concoctions, cupcakes, and beer.

We'll see how this week goes, but I am reading the point where I end my Weight Watchers subscription and just give into 170.