Donuts and pumpkin pie, oh my

I've been doing phenomenal with eating and 5k training. During the past two weeks, my average "travel" distance, according to the fitbit, has been 4.5 miles. I've even done some running after school around the soccer field, despite the 32 degree temperature. I've mostly stayed under 1,400 calories too. I've felt energized and happy (with the exception of my 5 day "adventure" with stupidly bright red hair).

Cut to Friday, 11/22 and last night, 11/23. On Friday, we went to Charlie Brown's Steakhouse for dinner. While I ordered a healthy entree, it still brought me past my daily 1,400 calories. Those healthy options on the menu are bullshit. They're still doused with butter and other calories that easily add up. When we got home, I also engulfed two donuts.

Last night, a friend held a pre-Thanksgiving pot luck dinner. While I ate small portions of food for dinner, I also had three beers, a slice of pumpkin pie, and a slice of cheesecake.

Today, I feel kind of crummy. It's amazing how only two days worth of "bad eating" (and I actually did not eat too badly; we're not talking pizza, cheese fries, mozzarella sticks, and other grease-laden foods) could make me feel crummy.

Regardless of how I currently feel, I am making an oath to myself to get to the gym today. I'm on the last day of week 4 in couch-to-5k. It's intervals of running for 5 minutes and walking for 90 seconds. It's challenging, but all I think in my head is: If the people on Biggest Loser can do it, so can I.

Onward ...and downward (pounds-wise)

At this point, for 75+ straight days, I have logged every morsel that enters my mouth. I started couch to 5k awhile ago, but now am actually making progress with it. I am on day 3 of week 2. This is kind of pathetic since I started couch to 5k month(s) ago, but at this point I am actually working out consistently.

My current weight is 174. I "feel" thinner than that though. My true indicator of any type of weight loss, fat less, or toning will be when I actually have more than 2 pairs of pants to wear to work. Right now, I am left with a black pair of pants, a brown pinstriped pair of pants (brown pants, in general, are just dreadful), and numerous elastic-waisted skirts.

Kickball has been going okay. It's amazing how a person could be so many years past an experience (high school gym class about 15 years ago) and then be able to instantly re-live all the emotions from that moment. When in the outfield for kickball, I find myself softly chanting, "Please don't come to me; please don't come to me." When I am up at "bat," I silently try to urge the ball to go far and lower to the ground, but those efforts have only left it to go straight in the air for an immediate pop-up out.

At our most recent game, this past Tuesday, it was as if a glimmer of light and hope descended on the kickball field. One of our opponent's kicked a bar ridiculously upward and far. The guys all around me called the catch, "I got it." I didn't utter a word and just ended up catching the ball. In happiness, I screamed so loudly that my throat hurt a little bit. Luckily, I did catch that ball. Those guys would have been pissed if they called the catch and then I didn't call it, yet also didn't catch the ball either.

Numbers-wise, I feel at a standstill. Physically and mentally though, I feel good and energized. I find myself wanting to constantly move and am truly attempting to move 5 miles a day, according to my Fitbit.

Onward and downward....

Sloooooooooow

I'm eating well. I've logged into MyFitnessPal for 55 days straight. I'm still basically the same weight.

I'm trying though.

I just signed up for two more events in order to surge my physical activity.

Tonight is my first adult kickball league game. I haven't played kickball since 1996. In this current league, pegging (below the head) is allowed. I plan on coming home with some hilarious type of injury.

Additionally, I signed up for a 5k in December. It's called the Ugly Sweater Run. I've NEVER run 3.1 miles at one time. The closest I got was when I was exercising often before the month of my wedding. I was able to run 2 miles at once. 3.1 miles is not impossible; I just need to get past the mental block. If those people on Biggest Loser can do it, so can I. I just wish a monetary prize was at the finish line. 

"Fat" Britney Spears...that's all I want to be. I just read an article about her today that mentioned how digital touch-ups were done to the images of her in the "Work Bitch" video. Side by side, the article showed "fat" before images and "svelte" after images. I'd gladly switch bodies with her and take the "fat" body.

Back on the saddle again....

We went to Tired Hands Brewing yesterday. It's an amazing gastropub. Meal choices are fairly small, but Tired Hands makes its own thick, artisan bread. You can order the bread & pickles platter, but even if you order something else, bread is a staple with every menu choice. We went in a group of four, but let's face it, mainly John and I housed most of the food. I had three 8 oz beers (not too bad), but probably had a half-loaf of bread. It was so amazing though.

Today, I went to the gym and did some intervals of running and walking on the treadmill. At the end of 45 minutes, I had gone 3.25 miles. My face was beet red and the amount of sweat I had could double as hair gel with how it was slicking back my hair.

After my workout, I weighed myself: 180.2 . Agh.

Last Saturday night, we had an end of summer party. The days leading up to the party were filled with minimum 5 mile step days and careful eating of healthy foods. During the course of the party, I ate three cheeseburgers, had 6 or so beers, and had tons of chips. Since the party, i have been "meh" with eating well and exercising.

I SUCK at "falling down" and then immediately getting back up.

With work starting again tomorrow, at least I will be back on a schedule with getting up, eating well, being on my feet, and so on.

Eating well, exercising, and maintaining a healthy weight should not be THIS difficult.

Agh, ugh, and all other mutterings of annoyance

The beginning of summer brings with it people's aspirations to "slim down" for "beach season." I don't have an exact statistic or percentage, but my guess is that a majority of people either stay the same weight or lose a small amount of weight in the summer.

Since I do not work in the summer and also enjoy "sedentary" activities (i.e. reading, doing karaoke, drinking beer, going to garage sales), I tend to pack on some extra pounds during the summer. The other day I had, yet again, a realization: I am fat.

I stepped on the scale at the gym and the number read 180.4. What the hell?! I have not been that weight since high school. I feel like I am somehow carrying the 180 a bit better this time 'round, but still am completely aggravated with myself.

This utter aggravation has arrived at an opportune time. Just last week, we entered 2009 and got smart phones. Immediately, I downloaded the Fitbit, Couch to 5k, and My Fitness Pal apps to my phone. I've been making a strong effort to be at my daily calorie goal or, on some rare days, slightly under the goal. My Fitness Pal is brutally honest. After each day, it tells a message such as, "If you ate this way for 5 weeks, you would be 175 pounds."

This will be a slow process; I am basically back to where I was when I started Weight Watchers in January. Some might tell me to join WW again, but screw that. I can't spend any more time hearing people talk about food.

Today, I have been a lazy fuck and have walked a mere 1044 steps. Off to the park....

I can't say "eff it"

Last Wednesday was the beginning of the downward spiral. I started calculating all of the hours that, over the past months, have been devoted to tracking meals or conversing about food. Weight Watchers meetings have been ridiculous. Last week's topic was "dining versus eating." We spent 35+ minutes discussing how to make our eating spaces "elegant" in order to "savor" food. It's a great idea and all, but I do not need to pay 42 bucks a month to hear about using "nice" plates, cloth napkins, and/or candlelight. I'm not a guy trying to land a chick.

Last week began the mindset of Fuck it. I've basically been stuck at the same weight for ages and even when I eat significantly better, I do not see drastic changes. Maybe I should just accept where I am and leave things be.

That mindset worked for approximately four days. I enjoyed "date night" with my friend, Jen: 40 bucks for an appetizer (cheese quesadillas), two entrees (I had a burger and subpar coleslaw), and four beers (two each---even craft beers!). Thursday is unmemorable in my mind, which means I probably ate well but gorged on ridiculous amounts of fruits and/or veggies and hummus during the evening hours. On Friday, I ate healthy all day, including a healthy dinner of salmon, lettuce, and veggies, but then decided to have dinner #2 at Cloverleaf: turkey club, fries, and a beer. Saturday's downward trend went batshit crazy. I had two cheeseburgers, tons of pizza rolls, quite a bit of PretzelCrisps, and three beers...and that was just at night.

Then something happened.

On Sunday, I felt the need to eat better again. I also went to the gym and went for a leisurely stroll on the treadmill.

Today, I ate well all day. I also managed to down 60 ounces of water during the workday. During the last period of the day, another class meets in my classroom. I changed from my work clothing into my gym clothing which, I self-deprecatingly joke, "Doubles as sleep wear if I don't muster the motivation to make it to the gym." One of the students in the room said, "Eh, you don't have to work out. You look fine the way you are."

Then something hit me. Honestly, even if I stay the same weight, it does not truly matter. If I feel good---energetic and healthy---then that's what matters.

I'm kind of on my own path. I'll still go to Weight Watchers (probably for another month), but I stopped with tracking on their site. Instead, I am tracking via livestrong.com. I want to pay closer attention to macronutrients and my true daily nutritional breakdown. I find it disturbing how WW endorses all these artificial crap foods. 

Weight Loss Fucktard

I'm so aggravated. During the past month or so (haven't posted in awhile), I've done everything right that I can. I'm at my daily points total and am even sometimes under by 2 or so points. I don't deprive myself because I make sure to have the 49 "bonus points." I track everything. I've also recently purchased a fitbit in order to track my daily activity levels. I also started couch to 5k in order to have some kind of fitness regimen.

Two weeks ago, I stood on the scale at Weight Watchers and did the dance of joy as my weight was said aloud: 168.8. I have not had 6 as my middle weight number in at least two years.

Fast forward to this week's weigh in. I did not exercise as much this past week, but my eating was definitely in-check. I stepped on the scale and it read 171.1.

I am so frustrated. I feel like I am doing everything right and am at a standstill. Also, I wonder how much higher my weight would be if I just gave in and mindlessly ate junk....

which is what I did last night. A friend had a party and I figured, "Fuck. If I am going to eat well and exercise AND still gain weight, then I might as well eat junk tonight." I had chips, doritos, cheese/pepperoni/dough concoctions, cupcakes, and beer.

We'll see how this week goes, but I am reading the point where I end my Weight Watchers subscription and just give into 170.